The mental load no-one talks about

Libby Salord McLean
Jan 16
2 min read

If you resonated with last week’s article on overwhelm, this might explain why it feels so relentless.

Because for many women, overwhelm isn’t caused by one big thing. It's created by the mental load they carry every single day.

What is mental load?

Mental load is the invisible work of remembering, anticipating, planning, organising and holding responsibility, often for everyone else.

It’s:

Keeping track of school things - semester dates, events, forms, uniforms, library books
Arranging the social calendar and remembering social appointments and gatherings
Knowing what’s in the fridge and what needs restocking
Anticipating emotional needs - your children’s, your partner’s, your team’s, your aging parents
Managing the family's medical appointments
Mentally running through tomorrow before today is even finished

Even when you’re “resting,” your mind is often still working.

Why it's SO exhausting

The mental load is draining because it never switches off. There’s no clear beginning or end. No visible checklist that ever feels complete. And often, no recognition, because it’s happening internally.

Over time, this constant cognitive and emotional effort leads to:

Significant fatigue
Irritability or snapping over small things
Difficulty relaxing, even when you finally have time
Feeling emotionally flat or disconnected
A sense of “I can’t cope”, even though you’re doing everything

This isn’t weakness. It’s nervous system overload.

Why women carry so much of it

Many women have been conditioned to be the holder: The one who remembers. The one who anticipates. The one who keeps everything running smoothly.

Often without consciously choosing this role.

Add work, parenting, relationships, expectations and the pressure to “do it all well,” and the mental load becomes immense, yet still largely unseen.

Why telling yourself to “just relax” doesn’t work

When your nervous system is constantly on alert, rest doesn’t come easily.

This is why self-care can feel like a luxury, and switching off feels impossible or even quiet moments can feel uncomfortable. Your system hasn’t learned that it’s safe to stop.

A gentle reframe

You don’t need to manage the mental load better. You don’t need more productivity hacks. And you don’t need to push through harder.

What you need is support for your nervous system - moments where your body learns that it doesn’t have to hold everything at once.

Small, intentional pauses. Practices that help you come out of your head and back into your body. Permission to put the weight down, even briefly. That’s where real relief begins.